Parent Wellbeing

Parents/Carers are heroes, let us start there, every one of you works hard to support your young people and are committed to securing them a bright future. As they become more teenage throughout secondary school, we know it can sometimes feel like a thankless task, but in school they sing your praises, express that they know you will support them and are always keen to get home. 

We can often feel like we were so different when we were their age and therefore, struggle to understand their love for social media, videos of boxes being opened by YouTubers and love of gaming! 

This page is designed to give you a little more information on how to stay in touch with your teenager. These might be simple ideas, likely things you already do, or there is more specific advice for some of the challenges they may face. Alternatively, you can go to Every Mind Matters to answer some quick questions about your wellbeing to get tailored advice for you.

QUICK TIPS! 

• Children of all ages LOVE praise so try and catch them being good. For example, try and pick up the small stuff like making their bed or putting their belongings away. It seems small but it will lead to greater change. In Psychology, they call it behaviour modification. In other words, by rewarding the positives you stamp out the negatives! 

• Make time to exist together, we do not suggest you go out and spend money! Instead, plan a night in together where you get a bag of popcorn and watch a film on the sofa or, even better, go for a walk. You will be surprised by the impact of fresh open space on a teenager’s mindset. 

• Make yourself a family timetable, it sounds extreme but planning out your time as a family is vital. Schedule in when you are going to get up and be getting ready for school, what you will all be doing when you get home from school/work and when you will all sit back down together for family time before bed. 

• Explain your actions, as parents we know what the best decision for our young people is. But, as you will fondly remember from your own teenage years, to their developing brain you saying no to them is, (like) the end of the world… Instead of getting into an argument about it try sitting them down. Ask them to write down their feelings about your decision and be prepared to respond calmly and by explaining why you made it. We cannot promise for miracles but making them feel involved makes them feel worthy and more likely to talk to you before taking risky decision in the future. 

• Show them that your love is unconditional, even when they are being so moody you just want to shut the door and take a bath! We all make mistakes, but the best lessons are always learnt from a ‘I’m disappointed but of course we still love you’ conversation as oppose to an angry one. You never want to disappoint someone! 

Here is a useful video on explaining the teenage brain, it is incredibly complex – Click here. 

IMPORTANT INFORMATION! 

Before moving on to look at anything more specific it is vital that you remember to look after you. Consider yourself on an aeroplane, at the start during the safety briefing they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first and then help others. Why you ask? Well, how can you possibly help someone else if you are not conscious to do so. Your children need you to be strong, calm and a role model. Therefore, you need to take time to look after yourself, here are some tips on how below: 

• Take time for you – How often do you put your responsibilities aside and sit down to relax? Why not try something new to read or listen to a free podcast whilst you have a bath or take a stroll. The head space will allow you more time to reflect and make you feel better prepared to support your young people. 

• Read – Reading is always a good idea, sometimes reading about what we are experiencing is even better! Why not try ‘Blame my Brain’ by Nicola Morgan. This great, short read is a perfect way to try and gain some understanding of your teenager and can be easily read by them once you’re done. 

• Practice mindfulness – This could be meditation or simply just breathing. Make sure you’re in a quiet space and allow yourself some time to just breath. If you type into YouTube ‘Body Scan’ or download the ‘Calm’ App, then you can pop some headphones in and be guided through! This is great for young people too! 

• Exercise – Why not dig out the running shoes and lace up for a run. There is a free Couch to 5k app on all app stores and plenty of YouTube home workouts to get you started. The endorphins released during exercise make us feel happier and more energised to tackle the day ahead. This could be a great bonding exercise too! 

Where to go for support with your wellbeing: 

• Mind is a great website that offers support for a wide range of issues that you may face 

• NHS has lots of advice on how to access the mental health services available depending on where you live 

• LBBD Website includes a list of where and how to access support in our borough 

SUPPORTING WELLBEING AS A PARENT OR CARER 

Whilst we hope that young people can plod through life without a care in the World, we know that sometimes they need a little more support than even superhero parents can manage. As a school, we can help guide you and support them in school when we know what is happening, so always keep us informed. 

You could start by ensuring that they read the help and advice on this section of our website relating to them. You should talk to school about your concerns as we will have links to lots of support in our community and will be able to support your child in school. 

Where else can you get support as a parent supporting a young person’s wellbeing? 

• The NSPCC has a wide range of tips for dealing with many of the issues you might face with your teen such as tantrums and talking about difficult topics 

• Young Minds for parents, useful information on supporting a young persons mental health 

• For more useful links, tips and advice visit this website 

 

SUPPORTING A CHILD WITH EATING DISORDERS 

If your child is experiencing problems with their diet or the way that they look and you are concerned then the links below are the right way to go, plus, always keep the year team informed of your concerns so we can support in school. 

Eating seems like such a simple thing and is part of everyday living, it is necessary for survival. However, if the relationship between what we eat and how we feel become confused it can be challenging to break cycles. As a parent supporting someone who is struggling with their eating habits it is important to remain supportive and positive. Avoid blaming yourself and ensure your child does not feel blame either. Importantly, educate yourself, the more you understand the more helpful you can be to your child, the websites above can help. 

WHO SHOULD YOU TURN TO FOR MORE HELP? 

• Your GP – The person best placed to help and guide you to support is your GP. Book an appointment and encourage your child to speak about their current experience, if this is too much, suggest that they write everything down to allow you to open the conversation for them. 

• Beat is a fantastic website that includes helplines, advice, and tips for supporting someone with an eating problem. Helpline: 0808 801 0677, Email: help@beateatingdisorders.org.uk 

• NHS website has a wealth of information and guidance on types of eating disorder. This is a particularly useful page on how you can help 

 

SUPPORTING A CHILD WITH GENDER OR SEXUALITY QUESTIONS 

We know that as our young people get older, they are more open to exploring their sexuality and gender. As a parent this can be difficult to understand when we have not experienced such conflicting feelings. Young people like to talk, even when it does not seem as such, so talking to them about this is a great idea. Knowing that they can be open and honest with you is a fantastic place to start. 

Your first place to start should be about knowing the terminology surrounding gender and sexuality  see here for a quick glossary of some of the most common terms (not all of them though) taken from Stonewall. 

• Ally – A (typically) straight person who supports a member of the LGBT community. 

• Bi – An umbrella term for those who have romantic feelings to more than one gender. 

• Cisgender – This is someone who identifies with the same gender that they were assigned at birth. 

• Gay – Refers to a man who has a sexual orientation towards men, but also a generic term for lesbian/gay sexuality. 

• Gender – Gender is culturally determined and assumed from the sex assigned at birth. This is a choice to make. You may choose to identify as a different gender to that you were assigned at birth. 

• Gender reassignment – This refers to a person’s transition from one gender to another, this might include medical interventions or name and clothing changes. 

• Heterosexual – A straight person, a man who is attracted to women and vice versa. 

• Homosexual – Someone who has romantic feelings towards someone of the same gender. 

• Homophobia – Fear or dislike of someone based on prejudice views on lesbian, gay or bi people. 

• Intersex – An individual who has the biological attributes of both sexes. 

• Lesbian – A woman who has romantic feelings towards women. 

• Non-binary – A term for those whose gender identity does not sit with either man or woman. 

• Questioning – Someone in the process of working out their gender identity. 

• Sex – Assigned to a person based on genitalia, different to gender which can be chosen. 

• Trans – Explains those whose gender is not the same as the sex they were assigned with at birth. 

WHO SHOULD YOU TURN TO FOR MORE HELP? 

• Stonewall has a fantastic website full of advice and information to read through 

• The Proud Trust is also a great site full of useful links and information for you on how to support your child 

• Family Lives have some great pages on a range of issues but do cover this topic specifically 

• Hart Gables is a support service for those who identify as LGBTQ+ across Teesside and East Durham. http://www.hartgables.org.uk/ 

 

SUPPORTING A CHILD WITH DEPRESSION 

As part of the growing up process the teenage brain is constantly active, it can affect sleep, mood and ability to cope with everyday life. Most of the time, spending some quality time together reflecting on whatever your child believes is causing them sadness is more than enough to ward off the effects. Sometimes that is not enough, and they might need a little more support. 

If we imagine the brain as a tree, during teenage years the tree is being pruned constantly, we are chopping away at bits we do not need and strengthening those we do. Alongside this, the body is experiencing a large influx of hormones that have never been experienced before. This combination can lead to the young person feeling quite lost in a world they thought they knew. What we know though, is that they can come through it either with a little help or a lot of help! 

WHO SHOULD YOU TURN TO FOR MORE HELP? 

• Family Lives have some great pages on a range of issues 

• Young Minds is a fantastic website and helpline with a section designed just for parents 

• NHS provide an extensive list of a variety of places to get specific and general mental health support 

• Mental Health Org have some great tips for dealing with the everyday and with the more challenging times 

• Place2Be is another fantastic and friendly service with a wealth of guidance for you and your child 

SUPPORTING A CHILD WITH ANXIETY 

During the teenage years of secondary school students are now being asked to make big life decisions, such as their year 9 options for GCSE, which 6th form to attend and simply, deciphering who they are. This can bring with it feelings of anxiety, when things are uncertain or when the certainty needs to come from their decisions our teenagers can feel worried about whether their decisions are the right ones. 

If we imagine the brain as a tree, during teenage years the tree is being pruned constantly, we are chopping away at bits we do not need and strengthening those we do. On the outside, there is nothing to see but on the inside teenagers are left feeling lost. This is what can cause anxiety. It is how they then manage their emotions and concerns, with your help and ours, that can determine how they walk away from the situation. If you are starting to think that their anxiety is preventing them from doing the things they would have usually done then it is time for some more support. 

WHO SHOULD YOU TURN TO FOR MORE HELP? 

• Family Lives have some great pages on a range of issues 

• Young Minds is a fantastic website and helpline with a section designed just for parents 

• NHS provide an extensive list of a variety of places to get specific and general mental health support 

• Mental Health Org have some great tips for dealing with the everyday and with the more challenging times 

• Place2Be is another fantastic and friendly service with a wealth of guidance for you and your child 

 

SUPPORTING A CHILD THROUGH A BEREAVEMENT 

When you lose someone you love in the family it can be really challenging to balance dealing with your own emotions and dealing with those of your family around you. As a parent, one of the greatest challenges when dealing with bereavement is knowing how to talk to your teen when you are struggling yourself. It is easy to assume that because they’re quiet, sullen or sad that they are just processing in their own way. Yet, we know they have less emotional development than we do, so of course, it is a minefield in their mind knowing how to respond. 

Losing a loved one is painful, confusing and can make us feel really mad or really sad. There are so many feelings that you and your teens might experience when you have lost a loved one, all of them are natural and difficult to ignore. Here are a few that you might be familiar with: 

Sadness – Denial – Panic – Confusion – Anger – Overwhelmed – Relief – Shock 

The most important thing you can do, no matter the emotion, is to talk to your teen. Showing that you are experiencing a range of emotions too is a useful way to lead into a conversation, by showing that you’re feeling something too they will feel encouraged to share too. If talking out loud feels too challenging then another option is to encourage your teen to write down their feelings, these might before you to read, or for you to pop into a eco-friendly balloon and send to the sky. Either way, getting those feelings out of their mind is the best way forwards. For more useful ways to deal with bereavement with your teen you can visit the ‘student’ wellbeing area. 

WHO SHOULD YOU TURN TO FOR MORE HELP? 

• Young Minds has some really useful tips for supporting a young person in their bereavement 

• Winston’s Wish has a range of resources and reading suggestions to help young people to succeed 

• Sue Ryder is a charity with pages pf useful and practical tips on managing the bereavement process 

• Cruse includes some reading for you to get through on how you can manage your own emotions in order to support your child 

 

SUPPORTING A CHILD WITH ANGER ISSUES 

Despite our best efforts to remain calm we all experience anger at some point in our lives. It is a natural human emotion and one that we have to learn to control as we get older, for some, this comes easily and for others it is more challenging. For our teens, anger is a very common emotion. 

When we look at the developing teenage brain it is going through two changes that may cause anger to increase. Firstly, the brain is rapidly building new connections, building on those that existed already and strengthening those skills that the teen wants to pursue. Anger can arise from this feeling because the brain is changing so quickly that your teen can feel very conflicted. At this time their brain is learning how to deal with conflict, to make decisions and to empathise and experiencing all these together can be confusing. Secondly, there are hormonal changes during puberty that can make managing usual everyday tasks unbearable for your teen. Let’s consider some good and not so good ways of dealing with anger with your teen. 

SCENARIO 

Jaspreet has been asked to clean her bedroom but at the moment she is doing her homework and is worried about a relationship with her friend. Being asked to clean her room was one step too far for Jaspreet today and she became very cross and shouted at her dad ‘No, I am not cleaning my room!’. 

OPTION A – FIGHTING FIRE WITH FIRE 

You could respond by shouting at your teen and telling them that you know best and that they must do as they are told. Chances are, they might flip their lid even more and it will take even longer for them to calm down and to adhere to your request. 

OPTION B – FIGHT FIRE WITH CHOICE 

Alternatively, you could give your teen the option to spend some time calming down and ask them to come back to you when they feel calm to discuss this issue. Usually, they will reflect and rationalise the situation for themselves and then come and see you to work things out. If they don’t then you should return and ask them to talk, remain calm as your calm will help them feel calm. 

It is important to remember that their teenage brain does not develop full reasoning until 25 years old, they’ll need some guidance and managing their anger too. This video can help you to understand this – Click here. 

Most importantly, when dealing with anger it is good to emotionally coach your teen, let them know the things that make you angry, how do you feel, how does your body respond and what helps you. By doing this they will be more likely to learn how to manage their anger better in the future. 

WHO SHOULD YOU TURN TO FOR MORE HELP? 

• Young Minds have some useful tips on dealing with anger in young people. 

• Very Well Family have 7 useful and practical tips on dealing with anger at home. 

• NHS England has a useful page on this topic with links to further help.